Standing under your shadow

Being weak is the only option you want! 

Yet, with the burning rage in the midst of a forest, how could you crumble down on your knee?!

Its very hard to define my bad day! 

I could make my coffee too bitter, have a wonderful start and drink too much of it to make the rest of my day a horrible drunken mess!

Your bad day is still yours to make it, messier than life by itself!

You are allowed! 

To be frustratingly broken in the corner of a toilet!

To be flushing down and grunting into your pillow! 

You are not expected to take every stone pelted upon, in silence!

Breaking down once in awhile is okay!

Because at the end of a bad day comes a worser one! 

With bad days comes a strength that you will endure like a sculpture for the rest of the days, months and beyond years! 

The strength comes from the tears rolling inspite of efforts! 

The weak smile that the world imposed on you!

The break of a piece of your heart in every silence!

The words with no meaning that you utter in despair! 

Take the break you deserve!

There is always the next step awaiting!

Don’t believe, time will make things better!

Don’t believe, a man in a metal mask or an angel with feathered wings will make a difference in your world!

Believe in YOUR next step! 

However mundane!

However uncertain!

Make the effort to believe 

You will make the next cup of coffee just bitter and just enough! 

It’s fine to be weak!

Getting ready to be unbreakable 

Is what that comes after! 

~Sussh

Everything is fucked

A book about hope!

By Mark Manson.

Apart from the catchy title, this young girl,(well at 30, I just assume everyone is younger) who had this book and it was like its the only solution to life for her and it has everything she needs in this world. With such passion and her eyes fixated, she held on to the book strong more than she could stand still on the bus!!!

Iam passionate about books/novels too!  

A novel on how to kill your husband/boyfriend!! 

Or if there is a cloak of invisibility in real life! 

Well...... I mean, you get the idea!!!! 

But being unaware of everything, sinking into words like its the only row of a boat left! 

Someday, i want that! Even if its not words! 

Sometimes, everything is indeed immensely distraught, that you could only imagine holding on to something strong and if you love with all your heart, then you hit THE jackpot! 

But who is to say? Whats it all worth for? 

Or who is worth all the charades?

Someone not afraid to endure you! 

Someone who is strong enough to fight all the battles alongside you!

Someone always on feet to sweep you off yours from the ground!! 

And yes! It all comes down to the things you keep imagining thats yet to come! 

So indeed “Everything is of course F*****”

Nevertheless......

With A hope, that the next day will be better and the strength it brings for you!

A hope that next time it wont hurt you much after-all!

And at the next sunrise you will end up at the end of the world where everything begins! 

Every new beginning is at the end of something that was painful! 

Its worth to hold on to the book! 

~sussh~

I have been fatshamed

She: Just a little bit around your hip darling!

Me: okie mom!

Him: oh! Your chubby cheeks! Turns me on!

Me: okie honey!

Someone: come on! You wouldn't look good thinner!

Me: okie!

Again someone: Nah! You look good fat and chubby!

Me: Again okie!

Inside me: No. No. No. And NO (all in caps)

No beautiful isn't how she looks

It isn't in how you feel she looks

And NO not how you think she would look like!

Let her be whoever she is !

Every girl has been body shamed!

Awfully body shamed.

Because i thought fat shaming was the only thing throughout my life, until i met a girl who said "God! I wish i had your body"

When i have been shamed and down digged of my body my whole life.

Made me feel, what did she go through?!

What could have she gone through to have said she wanted someone else's body?!

She wants her soul! She wants her mind! She is proud of her attitude! She would want to destroy you to ashes! But she wants to do it in another body!

Because the world around her made her feel insufficient!

Insufficient that she thought you were actually by her side!

While all you could do is call her body as her BODY!

All the while you could have seen her for her achievements!

Her intellectual!

Her crown!

But Noo!

You did more than that!

you saw her as a tiny little defect!

Something to correct on her!

But its okie honey! She grows out of it too soon for your maturity to outgrow them!

She conquers!

~Sussh!

Oh boy! Should you put more effort!

Walking along the road with houses dressed in tinkling lights! Green! Red! And oh! Ho! White and blue!!

People climb roofs in this snow filled nights, just so they let Santa know they are ready! 

So ready and awaiting!

Its not about a religion or the region!

Its about the celebration in a long waited year! 

People work hard through the year for this one holiday! And get rewarded much nicely! 

They make people cross their house with a smile! They shed light to the starless night! 

What more? Oh and the pictures! So beautiful pictures of all the lights! 

Being happy is a choice! Making an effort is the only way around it!

Make tiny little effort! 

Open the door and let them smile at you!

Wink at the baby, and listen to an adorable giggle!

Give up your seat for the gentleman, hear him praise you “you are a lot younger than you think, Darling!”

Tell them to have good night! And a great day!!! 

Seeing someone smile for you 

And listening to someone “thank you” for such a minuscule thing could brighten your day more than you think!!!!

Just like the Christmas lights, the trees, the decorations!!!!! Its a choice! Make little effort for that beautiful choice!!!! You can never go wrong when it comes to choosing happiness over every other miracles! 

Be part of a smile in someone’s day!

Let the celebration begin with you, coming year!!!!

~Sussh

Close to “Biological clock”

Well, they say a woman reaching her biological clock! is very dangerous!!!

Who are “They” ??? And what biology??

Technically! Its not her “age” that makes her “dangerous” but her “determination”

Determination to get out of a bubble! Even if its built to a castle!

Reach her limits to achieve things on her own! Even if its not great things! 

Who is to say! What she should be, by now! 

An outlaw in life!

A templated version set for herself!

She could be anything! 

She could be a mother by 25 and start to find herself from scratch.

She could be a lady at 40 unravelling her treasured dream!

She could turn 60 to chase butterflies in a tulip garden! 

A woman always dangerously beautiful in her love, with her pride, adorning herself in a circle so small, she makes a home at almost every place she puts her foot down! 

At every dawn, her heart and eyes is fixed on a price, so preciously she shines! So proudly she bears it on her! is her smile for you and her laughter thats infectious just because you let her be, who she wants to be! 

Time is for the sun and moon to set!

Does it have to be a leash on how to live her life??

~Sussh

Do you love me?!

Well, 

How do you know if someone loves you enough?

Is it just a “His&Her” thing?!

A soulmate?

Or just i-am-not-so-sober sister I love you!!!

A best friend not spoken for years(but, darn you know you love her!)

Or mom i miss you

And dad stop over protecting!(or whatever dads do!!)

Tricky! Or not!

Its a word like compass for a wanderlust like me!

Encouraging your soul! To never let go down.

A smile to remind your eyes, they are beautiful!

Above all! Its that message she treasured for 4.3years!?

Do You know what you survived through those years! 

Because, I know!

Many earthquakes, so many soul-crunching earthquakes! Flood and storm, well at the least, the flood and storm literally happened, in chennai! And i survived all of them! While she kept, few words along with my heart and all the emotions surrounding those words! Made sure to never give up, through those years!

You never know! But you find love in the least of the places you look, because its there, alright! Just by your side! Every-darn-day! 

Love is so many things!

So many people!

You just have to appreciate it more than you look elsewhere! 

Sussh!

Smile at him

 She ran towards me!

Wished me “have a great weekend”

Astonished at her 

I turned to wish her back!

I did have a great weekend!

He smiled at me ! 

I smiled back!

He said “have a great day”

And I did!

She said “cheers” 

I did too!

Well! He sat near me!

Instinctively scared but willingly shared a bucket!

Overwhelming and what not!

All different people! Different world! 

Together they wish good when they smile for a better day!

The minute i let myself out of my own doom,

The whole country wishes me luck !

How did i grow up not to!??

How did i not smile at strangers in the road more often?!

Why should your life be a four walled world?! By yourself?!

It isnt that scary!

Nobody is that threatening!!

You can smile at anyone !

And your day and more 

Gets positively ahead of you!

Smile at him!

More often than you wish!

Sussh!

Whats work if its not about money?

Struggling through skirts and shorts to pants and suit, we did finally reach a stage in our life where our name could precede with our talent. 

Instead we have run so far with our heads down in setting up alarm to wake up and a reminder to sleep,

We have perfected our life into a schedule, 

Even a time machine would be disappointed to go back.

We have forgotten to set aside tiny little hours of the day for ourselves just so we could imprison ourself to a tiny space, conceptualising everything and everyone is at our arms end.

Infact, the truth is someone sitting beside you, feel a lot afar because you couldn't take your eyes of me ( duh! your mobile screen 😋) 

Finally being in a place to compose your talent and to acknowledge them shouldn't be such a struggle. 

Because it's our job to see noobody is felt, not left, alone,

And not everybody has to go to Howard for superpowers. They are just born with them. Yet, We just choose to stay in our bubble.

Who knew he could win your heart with a smile; just like how she could talk so fearlessly at the same time.

If she could make THE loudest whistle, he could pout into a perfect picture.

She breaks all stereotype to be the fastest racer and so, he brings you the most delicious meal on table. 

That special talent/ that superpower is there, amongst us, every individual will surprise you, might that be words, action, or as simple as a soft look and smile on their face. It shouldn't be so hard to get to know them.

Somewhere down the road, we forgot to appreciate ourself, the person right next to us, that person who puts an effort to knows us more. 

So tell me, working through bottoms up for higher denomination on a piece of paper...

Let's you lick the Liberty Bell??

Crash ghost parties at St.Cathedral's

Or better yet a dream wedding in the white marble house of india???

Nope.

And, yes, I will tell you 

"What is work if it's not about money"

its all the craziest things you get to do with people right beside you,

It's how much you tend to miss everyday to bring happiness inside yourself and your life.

 

Of all the things 

It's a constant reminder that even on a worst day, there will always be something along the way with brighter joy.

Its about time

Sussh

Are you done with your grieving?

An apology for a blog ....

That has nothing to do with what i know  ....

Because i have no idea how to grieve...

What is grieving??.... 

do you attend a funeral and start crying??

Is that it????

Im sorry i have never done that...

Not the crying part.....

but the funeral part ...

Because i have attended one funeral in 27years.... and just once....

and im so and bloody so old .... it was my grandmother’s when i was 8years old

How sorry I’ am to not have cried ..... i was too young even to be fine with that ...

That woman who taught me something i will never stop doing.... 

she once told me “never talk to yourself, im there if you need someone to talk to” 

Yes ....

thats all I remember of that lady who took me up, just after i was born ..... 

Nevertheless,....

’after that unfortunate fate of mine i have never attended one more funeral .....

Should you be attending funerals to know how to learn to cry exactly after you loose something precious in your life ????

Is that what life teaches you after all??? Death?????

What if you want to live without having any such experience .....

and one fine day you find out ....

After you pushed everyone out of your life ....

Just EVERYONE....

Out of grieving......

Then ....:

You find you did push everyone out of grieve.... and you think they would ofcourse understand????

Jokes on you ...

Yet to live is the hardest part of life .....

With all your acquaintances betraying you ......

And you still want to live ..

To live .... is the greatest part of all emotions......

Because a bad phase in life is still a bad phase that you choose to handle it alone .....

Is that what grieving is ?????

You crying to yourself ????

If you think thats what grieving is all about ......

My friend ...... its not that .....

Survive beyond your will......

However hard it may be .......

Because you survived this long .......

Shouldn’t you throw everyone...

Who doesnt care and move on .....

Grieving is all about who is there ...

Beyond grave ......

Beyond everything.....

Just follow the music ....

Of life ...... 

and you are fine .....

Sussh 

A week without your voice

Its been a week

And not to hear from you ....

I realise just how bad im at not calling or being in touch!

When your name pops up ....

I know im not going anywhere for an hour 

Because even that is not enough!

I hate calling

I hate talking so much!

But you taught us how much words move someone! 

Of all the calls i get and talk out of boredom! Of all the calls i miss purposely! 

You make it all stand out, in teaching me  how to talk and be rich in words ....

Be diplomatic! 

Because all those are so new to me!

To see a person with so much energy!

So much passion!

So and so much of owning everything in the world ! 

You amuse me and us ! 

Your energy is so magnetic

We get energised .....

Not far a long!

We could be vampire friends too soon! 

When i found a person who taught me the energy to bond!

Sussh

Yet again another one???!

Why this many tattoos?????

Because its painful !

Yeah tattoos are really painful....FYI

And who actually told you.. a doctor is not supposed to have tattoos??

Anyway....

I had my first tattoo 6years back...

Just to hide my scars ... it took me a while to realise its not the scar but the love i wanted to express...

Its an introvert thing about expressing thing....

Once my mother said “unless its the great alexander’s funeral showcase, it doesnt matter who comes to your death”

Alexander is the great king who conquered the world and materials that no one could ever own. He finally realised,its all going to be taken away,in his death bed. He had just three wishes ....

All of those you could find it in google....

What i learnt .... is  .... 

The doctor you are , 

The princess that you are ...

Death is inevitable ....

Take what you can....

Just what you can....

Not anything more .... anything less 

You lived a life time....

With soo much memories 

So much love 

So much scar 

Bury it with dignity 

With everything you love ....

If you think tattoo kills you....

Love kills you even faster ....

Well ofcourse much worser evil kills you very soon....

But 

I live and i live with all the love i want to share...

Im happy for this life ... and everyone i have ever loved ....even after every hurt 

Because love is always there ... never fades .....

I die ... die with everyone i loved .... 

No regrets 

Sussh

The long drive that took turns...

Not as great as you would imagine 

Opening up your heart....

That, at some particular age ...

You eventually do it with someone  you meet and fall over....

but opening up your mind ...

Happens very very rare....

Because all the devil in your soul stops you right there....

It just takes one long drive and a better companion ....

Calm quiet and you try to realise how a clutch together with break, works ....

All the way back and forth you keep talking ..... 

talking for seven hours straight ....

Nothing but religion , your identity, every damn little thing that haunts you....

Haunts your identity....

Haunting what you are....

If you just would ever think about it every now and then .....

You would still be not searching for answers....

You are who you are ....

Stop the search ....

Move on ..... just then would you be right where you want to be....

No, 

not by changing yourself.....

Nothing defines who you are....

So.... 

coming back to my long drive....

Driving is my passion....

But how have i not tried this kind of drive ....

I have the answers....

Your passion motivates you ! TRUE THAT! 

But your company enhances it ! 

Deny that! ???

All the answers are right within you..

Stop searching 

Move on...

Just make the questions right! 

Sussh

The bond between satan and I

Oh seriously! Satan ! If thats the word!

Satans disguise .....

And to prove it unethical....

We are long way from,Before Christ.....

Not religious enough to talk it through .....

But in today's world.....

To prove right or wrong.....

The only example of "The Difference" is....

If you are on the other side of the road driving.....

Kid, you get no compensation.....

So suck it up..... its wrong ....

See kids .... 

there are moments you are so angry at your choices.....

But when your day comes....

You would realise ...

And, At that moment,you are not angry anymore with your satan and the choices you make....

You would see who is meant to be....

You might think your only choice is to swallow your anger .....

And float it up their faces.....

There is another option....

You could just 

LET IT GO......

And only when you do it ....

It will be gone and you could move forward...

That kids....

Would be an end ......

An end to all disguise you swallow... to realise.....

Satans are disguisable......

Either pray or be prey...

Sussh

After Nepal...

Did I so much soon enter the real world ??

Yeah .... 

just after my graduation ....

Life is much after than your true love...

So much after all the pampering ....

The luxury .....

So much beyond ....

It will be like scratch from a penny.....

Just not how you imagine ....

Just not what you have enjoyed....

Like the coffee out of bed ....

The hot steamy water, flowing down your soft hair ....

Breakfast that you dont get to break your brain on.....

The car thats, all ready  without clicking 'ride now' .....

So so much beyond all these luxury .....

So much as starting your day dwelling your hands in cold water, with aluminium....

Washing your dry skin in cold ice water.... 

riding, covered like one of the masked men to kill someone.... 

god help you, to keep your eyes open in the middle of the night watching people suffer ..... 

bunk classes to travel somewhere to earn your fuel money....

Life is much more than those luxury

And much much more than what you have suffered ....

But my dear ....

Life pays you back ..... 

Back With a smile

And with gratitude ....

After all,

All of this has been for something that you deserve.

Sussh

So much love wasted

You were supposed to be my

Warm breezy blanket...

And Im your blossoming petal in autumn...

Because at every fall....

When all the leaves ruffle and wither...

I would be your violet flower....

So unfair.....

All this love is wasted ....

When my words just lay dry and brown 

Waiting for the sky to pour it down....

Its been a long summer 

And a very long autumn....

With all the gloomy shine I embrace my lips at dawn ....

Through dusk, pour all my fears in a glass....

I wish to survive .....

Survive to dance in the rain ....

Buried under the snow as cold as my heart is ....

After all, A heart wants what it wants

Sussh

AMUTHA

"VAZHVIN AMIRTHAM" ("who made me live") 

A very challenging,intense, courageous and out of your imagination, extremely outrageous! 

She would challenge you, like the asteroid, who could never strike our earth.....at any face of a destroyer ....

And that my friend ........

 are the meaning, of,  AMUTHA.

For Me ...

She wouldn't fight for you,

but 

Stand by you..... 

At all darkness....

At all wars of life..... and 

if truth Stays buried....

And 

Some heart cries for help..........

there,

She will be,

 just beside you.....

That support ....

It will .... 

trust me .....

It Will push you ......

Soo far 

and that ....

Just those words, beside you....

Will make you achieve more and more......

Just beyond what you have wished ......

Beyond what you are capable of......

And,...

just like that ....

She pushed me , further than I would !

A Mentor, she was....

Mentored the right and wrong,....

Taught me ....

For all the wrong in the world to be safe from.....

Following...every word beside every gear I drove .....

10schools and two medical university 

Trust me, travelling so far and finally, coming to a HEART SO CONSOLING, COMFORTING AND AS A MOM, was a true blessing, 

I WOULD CHERISH.....

 FOR LIFE......

Akshaya ne phele mila tho( if only i had her before).......

And just like that .....

If only 

Had I been hers and ....

A daughter......

And thats how you, just blindly follow their words.....

STAY STAFE AND BE Connected 😍

Mother's love never resides to another child ....

Your child who writes anonymously,

Susshmitha Ramesh 

It wouldnt have been the end of the world!

So we would have struggled a little more harder to survive....

Little more sober and 

The coutless sleepless nights......

Lived a terrible nightmare!

Dont we all live for something that would make our hearts, skip a beat and die in that tiny little happiness???

It would definitely never be the end of the world!

Life would never and forever get better 

Just postponing things till you are ready!

Take the risk ..... ( and God forbid if i had, ever heard your voice)

Sulk in the pain .....( only if you had chosen  the road not taken!)

Live with the scar.......( for,it will teach you not to trust and be happy)...

So what .....

Life would have been cruel....

but if it isn't worth just all of it ....

Would your world end ..... still! ???

When you live to see that tiny lip smile at you 

Could it end your world...?

Sussh

Never say no to love

Right or wrong ...

Dont waste your time thinking what to do or what to say....

Just be in love ....

With everyone....

With all the little things someone does for you.....

Never say no....

Dwelling in the past ....

Welling up with unsaid love....

Gets you nowhere at peace

Life will give you a million chances

Dont suffer in the end for one more chance....

Because being in love for someone is the most beautiful gift ....you can give

It will make you stronger

It will make you leap reaching the sky....

It will make you alive ....

Say it now ....

Say it every time...

With lots of words and a beautiful smile....

Loudly expressed Love, never hurts

Sussh