Day and night wer it all started

Everyday brings new challenges they say....
I don't see it ...
Every day I wake up in the same bed ....
Every night I bury myself in the same pillow...
I'm where I'm since it all started.....
Everything grew up with me ....
Some grew so close to me....
Some grew apart ....
Well, that's life .....
I can accept that ..... I can accept being static in the same place till I'm dead enough to be moved ....
But I can't live upto the expectation of what everyone wants....
That's not about living .....
Earth doesn't change its orbit to bring about the next day.....
We should be able revolve around the things that makes us stronger and more powerful towards life..... That's all about it .....
I'm ready for a change anytime.... But as long it is my decision be it wise,be it the dumb-ass-sitting-around-corner-of-bed-crying decision, it will  be my crazy ass decision.... for a change.
I live every day with a smile that next day it would get more weirder.....
That's it !!!! And that makes me more happy !!

A start to where it all started ....
Sussh

The pain of smiling .....

The day when you have to walk around like nothing happened in your life that is so painful to swallow but you smile anyway with a deep eye and a red cheek ...
When every perception of pain is stimulated ... but all the tear left in you is swallowed back and runs straight to your heart like a hundred syringe piercing all the muscle in it, just so, to show how much alive you are.......
I don't know which is more painful , the stab to  your heart or the cry behind your laughter .....
Sometimes, it's that you have to live with everything that has happened and you still have to continue, to go back being who you were..... that is what is more painful.... The ache behind your every smile ..... The regret behind your every success..... The sink behind your every jump of excitement......
Sometimes It's hard to walk over .... unbearable  to go through .....  to let go.......is not the answer ......    
Some pain is impossible to get over ....
Some pain we have to live with ....

Remember there is always a pain behind every smile ....
Sussh

When you don't loose someone close ...

It's pulling your heart alive ....When you loose someone very close to your heart....
I'm sorry I don't know how that feels....
I have never been to death house ... funeral or the ceremony .....
I felt bad for my granddad..... felt BAD ...that's it ....
But today ,  I just heard someone (very close to my heart) who lost their hero of their life.... and that pulled my heart out.....
That voice just ripped my heart out without any  anaesthesia .....I was awake and it pained...
We try our best in this shitty life to spend our time with the ones  We love ... We like ... our friends ..... our colleagues....
Yet somehow ......even when there are so many people to move away from us dead physically .......
It's just so painful to let go of the ones we love sooooooo much to heaven ......
This world is cruel to take away the ones who deserves to spend their rest of the life with us instead in  heaven ......
That's not right .....
Right ?????
I don't know if they would be happier there ....
This whole  being alive thing is just too complicated ......
Why are we born .....
Why should we go just like that .....
When nothing is enough for anyone alive ...taking them away is just cruel .....
Somehow looking through all the heart pain someone close to you ....is just fibrillating......

I thought world is cruel.....
But it looks like
God is cruel.....
Unfair feeling....

Xoxo
Consider being alive
Sussh

When it's you all alone ?

Surrounded with such beautiful people yet you have to live each second like a war !  

Every soul you see has a beautiful soul ! 

It's just that  it takes a heart to see it ..... !

My everyday travel diary says so ..... "When you put in everyone's shoes you would know"......, is such a perfect saying ... But hey! Who has time for that ! 

Yet we have time to criticise, gossip, judge, and what not ! 

When you actually observe each person struggling a day to live .....

An old lady pushing through the crowded bus because she has to reach home with her earnings safe with all the energy left to push you !

That girl who is fighting to have a seat Bcoz she had the worse cramps ever ....

That lil boy who wants to reach front to just look at his crush .....

And of course that irritating man who keeps X-Ray'ing you is MAYBE looking for that dress you are wearing ! Just to buy his Valentine because it's FEBRARY !!!! (We could always use a glare once in awhile right !!!!) 

Yeah aged people drink .... And would obviously travel with you, standing just so close to you, because it is so crowded in that bus ! ..... Come on he has seen all the depression, all the failures, almost all the things you are going through in life .... Give him a break ! He just needs to get home ..... He at least takes an effort to reach home ! 

Oh and by the way I mean all these things, not in a sarcastic way ! 

Give every soul a chance ! 

You can judge all you want! 

But give them a chance to reach where they want to before you speak a word !

Nooone is living your life !

They have their own ! 

Coming to peace 

Sussh 

 

Wedlock ! When you understand !

Wedding is an auspicious(of course) joy when you get married by an NRI FATHER to another Multimillioner to make a Guinness record !!!(well I'm just talking about the wedding DAY here,though) 

But otherwise talking, wedding is a lock ! I just dint understand the phrase "Happy Wedlock"  at that time ! 

When you are in India, WEDLOCK is an actual thing literally !!! You need to depend on everything to your spouse..... No not just financially if you are a home maker but ACTUALLY on everything !!! For the love of God !  I'm not even going to elaborate on the tiny little things we go through! 

The bigger picture here is, when you have to make a LIFE-CHANGING decision here, you have to get the approval form signed ! 

Damn its like signing an Life insurance form ! Will we die ! Should we sign ! No it's a bad omen to sign ! What are you doing ! Are you going to die ! What , you have that much money to hide ! 

It's hilarious,though to know what people think from all the pain you go through !!! 

I don't mean the world who laughs or questions they ask ! But your own family thinking what you ask is weird ! 

And at the very end of the argument of my family goes "DOES YOUR HUSBAND APPROVE" 

that made me sad, in the place, I'm Put out to live in ! 

Even though My Husband would approve anything I ask ..... It's hurtful to know that your own blood would question your judgement ! 

Women are captive , still soooo captive under a man's world !!! 

We were made to live under a man's world !!!! My childhood was ......No, dad won't like it , Are you serious, Dad will kill you ! Do you even think your Dad will let you do it ! 

And now it's just another fancy word for Men ! 

I would much better if I were a Guy ! 

And 

Why wouldn't  a woman/girl, think of changing herself to a Man in this kind of World ! 

With so much rules to break 

Sussh 

Stuck between 2014 & 2016

I have a paper full of resolutions still unsolved for 2015 

And they say it's getting over in 21days...

Still stuck in between everything I own 

Stuck between two circles 

One with him 

Another circle that swirls around my dear friends ! 

I'm supposed to have this phase a long way before !

Yet here iam 

Trying out every possible psychology to be in social phobia 

Things never go as you plan ... Does it ? 

Each and every 365 pass and I'm still wondering what to do with what I have....

My mom still keeps saying "Even this would pass " 

Stay strong ! 

So I guess my 2016 is just going to being myself and let it pass ! 

Coz there is nothing better to do after all it's your life in which you can make a million mistake and still love it ! 

I guess !!!!!! 

It's damn easy to con every human in the world but yourself ! 

Sussh

 

When you have to disown .....

You don't have to loose everything ..

You don't have to ask for help to a complete stranger for water ...

You don't have to wait for your next meal....

You don't have to get scared of water and leave everything behind.....

You don't have to give up a life earned house under a loan to survive ......

You shouldn't have to leave a BMW car in the middle of a road for life.......

You shouldn't live under incomplete roof being scared........

You shouldn't  stay locked up in one crore worth house when there are shelters under your house..........

You weren't supposed to walk inside waters scared of reptiles.........

You weren't supposed to have 'no pets' rules, because it's very disheartening to see them shiver and cry for food.........

You shouldn't be worried about your future that you have planned for years...........

NO it's so unfair 

You shouldn't have everything and run for life 

Nor 

Should you be scared for life just because you don't have what they call money  

Life is so unfair 

You are not supposed to, and yet it happened .... 

But to see everything happen in front of your eyes, each and everything .....

It's time that we realise it's more than money to be human 

The LIFE you have now is all you have ..... 

Nothing else ..... 

Just a 24 hour normal rain would do, to crush all your dream to bring everything down to your knees ......... 

You don't need guns and blast to show you .....

As simple as water air and the Mother Nature is enough to show you ....

This life is all you have 

Appreciate what you have now 

Start living each moment 

Rather planning 5 years from now .....

You never know what would happen ....

Trust me you would never know .....

What you really have now is precious enough to go forward ! 

Disown everything ... The high paid job, the highly respected property, that lousy car...

What is it all worth ?? Your life ?? That smile you see in a selfie ???? 

Disown yourself to see what you have now .... 

It was very hard to see every single soul suffer not out of death but out of scare what might happen, being so unsure what will happen to what they owned .... 

When nature teaches you to just SHUT UP LISTEN and LEARN ..........

Love the precious time you have left 

Sussh