Day and night wer it all started

Everyday brings new challenges they say....
I don't see it ...
Every day I wake up in the same bed ....
Every night I bury myself in the same pillow...
I'm where I'm since it all started.....
Everything grew up with me ....
Some grew so close to me....
Some grew apart ....
Well, that's life .....
I can accept that ..... I can accept being static in the same place till I'm dead enough to be moved ....
But I can't live upto the expectation of what everyone wants....
That's not about living .....
Earth doesn't change its orbit to bring about the next day.....
We should be able revolve around the things that makes us stronger and more powerful towards life..... That's all about it .....
I'm ready for a change anytime.... But as long it is my decision be it wise,be it the dumb-ass-sitting-around-corner-of-bed-crying decision, it will  be my crazy ass decision.... for a change.
I live every day with a smile that next day it would get more weirder.....
That's it !!!! And that makes me more happy !!

A start to where it all started ....
Sussh

The pain of smiling .....

The day when you have to walk around like nothing happened in your life that is so painful to swallow but you smile anyway with a deep eye and a red cheek ...
When every perception of pain is stimulated ... but all the tear left in you is swallowed back and runs straight to your heart like a hundred syringe piercing all the muscle in it, just so, to show how much alive you are.......
I don't know which is more painful , the stab to  your heart or the cry behind your laughter .....
Sometimes, it's that you have to live with everything that has happened and you still have to continue, to go back being who you were..... that is what is more painful.... The ache behind your every smile ..... The regret behind your every success..... The sink behind your every jump of excitement......
Sometimes It's hard to walk over .... unbearable  to go through .....  to let go.......is not the answer ......    
Some pain is impossible to get over ....
Some pain we have to live with ....

Remember there is always a pain behind every smile ....
Sussh

When you don't loose someone close ...

It's pulling your heart alive ....When you loose someone very close to your heart....
I'm sorry I don't know how that feels....
I have never been to death house ... funeral or the ceremony .....
I felt bad for my granddad..... felt BAD ...that's it ....
But today ,  I just heard someone (very close to my heart) who lost their hero of their life.... and that pulled my heart out.....
That voice just ripped my heart out without any  anaesthesia .....I was awake and it pained...
We try our best in this shitty life to spend our time with the ones  We love ... We like ... our friends ..... our colleagues....
Yet somehow ......even when there are so many people to move away from us dead physically .......
It's just so painful to let go of the ones we love sooooooo much to heaven ......
This world is cruel to take away the ones who deserves to spend their rest of the life with us instead in  heaven ......
That's not right .....
Right ?????
I don't know if they would be happier there ....
This whole  being alive thing is just too complicated ......
Why are we born .....
Why should we go just like that .....
When nothing is enough for anyone alive ...taking them away is just cruel .....
Somehow looking through all the heart pain someone close to you ....is just fibrillating......

I thought world is cruel.....
But it looks like
God is cruel.....
Unfair feeling....

Xoxo
Consider being alive
Sussh